


romantic and drenched in sin

by pendules



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-13
Updated: 2013-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-29 04:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/682927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Louis is finally in a serious relationship and Harry starts reconsidering what he actually wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	romantic and drenched in sin

Louis's freaking out, and Harry isn't really sure how to deal with it. Because he's freaking out over a _guy_ , and he doesn't ever do that. Because it's _Louis_ and he's the most confident person Harry's ever met in his life. Harry thinks he should be taking it as a good sign though, because it means he must really, really like this one. (But he's also kind of worried because of this exact fact. When Louis really likes someone, as rare as that is, it always kind of destroys a little piece of him when it goes bad. Harry's pretty glad the two of them have never gone further than drunken makeouts at dorm parties back at uni, because he knows they would've ended up breaking each other's hearts and he doesn't think he could live with that on his conscience.)

He's flinging what looks like the entire contents of his closet on his bed when Harry finds him, complaining loudly that he has nothing to wear. Harry forcibly takes his five-hundredth striped shirt away from and tells him he's being a complete idiot (because he needs to hear it sometimes) to which he lets out a dramatic groan and faceplants on top of the huge pile of clothes on his bed.

"Just leave me here to die," comes his muffled voice.

Instead, Harry sighs and slides onto the bed next to him, shifting some clothes to make himself more comfortable. He turns on his side to look at him. Louis' eyes are still closed but then he opens them under Harry's stare, looking more scared and child-like than Harry's ever seen him.

"I don't get it. I thought it was going really well," Harry says, soothingly.

"It is. It's amazing. More than amazing. I've never been with anyone like him before."

"And it's fucking terrifying," Harry finishes.

Louis just nods.

"You've been on how many dates?"

"Six. The match tomorrow will be seven."

"So what's the problem then?"

"It's just - we've been so isolated until now. Like, we've been living in some weird alternate dimension where I'm still the guy he met a month ago who'd say or do anything to impress him. I don't know if he'll like the real me as much as the person I pretend to be to get into people's pants."

"You have to at least give him a chance though."

"It's not him I'm worried about, really. I just...don't know how to be good at this whole _relationship_ thing," Louis says, grimacing like it's not anything he ever wanted to have to admit.

"Yeah, I know," Harry says, understanding completely.

*

Harry's pretty sure he's never had a relationship that lasted more than a couple months, like, ever. And he's not unhappy with that or anything. He's just never found that person that was worth sticking around for (his longest relationship, really, is with Louis, but he knew long ago that that would never be more than what they are now - they're way too similar to work). There were lots of girls and guys back in college and then he met Zayn who taught at the same school as Louis, but that kind of ended up being awkward for both of them when he realised Zayn probably had greater feelings for him than he'd ever let on, feelings Harry didn't quite return so he couldn't let it go on. (But he's with Perrie now, and they're happy, so at last it wasn't a complete disaster.) And then there were Caroline and Nick and Taylor and... they were all great and he's still friends with most of them, but it was never quite _right_. And he's not actively looking for anyone anyway.

He'd always kind of harboured romanticised visions of he and Louis being playboy bachelors and wingmen for a long time, taking each day as it came. But he also knew that Louis's always wanted to settle down too, start a family, the whole thing. Maybe he's never quite felt like he'd deserved it. Harry knows more than anyone that he really does, that he'll have to let him go someday (maybe someday soon) and he'll have to accept it.

He hopes Liam knows how lucky he is, that he can make Louis realise that he deserves to have this, deserves to have something real and permanent, something that'll never be taken away from him, that he deserves to have everything.

*

Harry's met Liam a couple times (most memorably the time he was trying to sneak out of Louis' room at dawn and ran into him on his way to the loo; he's apologised about five million times for some reason and fled from the apartment while Harry just stood there and stared) and he still isn't sure he actually exists. Louis used to describe him like he was a fairy tale character or something and Harry was half-convinced Louis was making him up. But then there he was - and he had ridiculous caterpillar eyebrows and puppy dog eyes and he blushed over everything and he was actually a fucking _fireman_ and Louis wasn't making up any of it. Louis had just sort of stared at him in awe when he was talking (and maybe he didn't realise it but Liam did the same thing to him). Harry was pretty impressed that Louis had managed to find someone who could both blush and stutter whenever Louis said anything remotely lewd and also probably toss him over his shoulder and carry him back to his bed. And also he was wondering if he maybe had a brother ("No, just two sisters," he'd said. "Oh, I can work with that." And only then did Liam figure out why he was asking and his mouth kind of fell open in horror while Louis laughed uncontrollably).

*

They meet up with Liam and his friend, Niall at the match. Niall's pretty much the most easy-going person Harry's ever met in his life. He talks a lot, mostly about food and drinking, laughs at anything remotely funny (Louis obviously would take full advantage of someone else finding him to be the most hilarious person alive, but he's weirdly quiet the whole time, mostly responding to Liam's queries with nods and half-smiles), and gets pretty worked up about the match even though his team's not even playing. Harry guesses he's just like that, that he lives fully and exuberantly and he's a bit jealous of it, really. He's always liked to think he's like that too, but he always overanalyses things too often to really be that carefree.

It makes sense, really, that he and Liam are friends. Liam's the kind of guy who'd get out of bed at 3am to save his drunk friend from falling into a gutter and Niall's the kind of guy anyone would do that for.

*

Louis asks Liam if they can talk after the match (and he looks kind of worried for a whole second before he suggests they go back to his place), so Harry gives Niall a lift home.

"You think they're alright?" Niall asks, but it's less concerned and more genuinely curious.

"Yeah, I think so... I mean, if Louis fucks it up, I think I'll personally kick his ass."

Niall laughs and Harry can't help but smile.

"Liam's been weird lately, though. But like, good weird. Happy weird. I don't know. He says Louis's not like anyone he's ever dated." It's kind of the most serious thing he's said so far. Harry suspects he's just as straightforward about things that matter as he is about what his favourite pizza toppings are.

"Yeah, Louis said the same thing. It's weird."

"Yeah, really weird."

It's odd how Harry feels like he knows him already. He supposes Niall has this effect on everyone.

When Harry drops him off, he gives him his number and tells him to call him and then they'll go for a pint soon. Harry's already agreed and driven away before he starts to wonder what that even means.

*

Harry isn't really good with ambiguity when it comes to relationships. He likes to know what he's getting into. Niall's kind of an enigma at this point. Maybe he just thinks since Liam and Louis are dating they should be friends. Or maybe it was another kind of invitation, namely the let's-get-drunk-and-have-casual-sex type of invitation. Niall's laid-back enough to want that, he guesses, but with their friends involved, that'd make things kind of complicated. And Harry's pretty good at spotting that particular brand of interest. Which leaves the last option, that is Niall actually likes him and wants to get to know him better. Which just - yeah, it's kind of weird and Harry's kind of out of practise with the whole dating thing. Or...yeah, maybe he was just being polite and actually doesn't have any intention of going for a drink with him.

And fuck, yeah, maybe he does overanalyse shit way too much.

He thinks _fuck it_ , and goes to bed instead.

*

Louis's back in the morning and he's making breakfast which means things are either really great or really terrible.

Harry approaches cautiously just in case.

"Hey," he says taking a seat at the table. "How was last night?"

"Um...good, really good." And then he's beaming. Harry lets out a tiny sigh of relief.

"I guess your talk went okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think we figured out what we want and what we want this to be, and..."

"And you're officially boyfriends now?"

"Yeah, I guess? I don't know. Have I even had a boyfriend before?" he asks, looking like he's thinking hard about it.

"Besides me, you mean?" Harry teases. Louis throws a dish-towel at him.

"So what did you do last night anyway?" he says, sitting down now.

"Nothing much. Had an early night."

"Really? You didn't go down to the club or anything?"

"No, I just... It's not the same without you there." He intends it to be joke but from Louis' expression, it looks like he doesn't quite manage it.

"You're gonna be fine," Louis says, softly. And it feels like the end of something, though Harry isn't sure what yet.

*

He runs into Zayn and Perrie the next week and he's good at faking smiles and nods through awkward conversations but fuck, he wishes Louis were here and not at some romantic dinner or whatever with Liam.

As soon as he gets home, he dials Nick's number. It's busy and he curses as he throws his phone across the couch. He'd go out, find someone in a bar or club, let off some steam, but he doesn't feel like being around people, strangers, right now.

He grabs his phone again, scrolls through his contacts. Nobody looks appealing and then by some weird twist of fate, it lands on Niall.

He just stares at the name for a while, and then presses the call button before he can stop himself.

*

He spends way too much time getting dressed. He messes his hair up on the way out to look like he didn't try so hard.

Niall's at a friend's party. It's kind of insane when he gets there, the kind of rager he hasn't seen since his uni days. It's kind of just what he needs.

He finds Niall sat in a corner, strumming a guitar, looking pretty oblivious to all the chaos.

"Hey!" he yells over the music.

"Hey," he says, only glancing up for a second. "Have a seat, mate."

Harry squeezes in next to him on the couch. There's a couple going at it pretty heavily on his other side. Harry looks around at everyone for a while, trying not to feel too out of place.

"Where's Louis?" Niall asks a minute later, like he didn't notice any time had passed.

"Out. With Liam." He shrugs.

Niall just shakes his head, either dismissively or fondly, he can't really tell.

"Are you in love with him?" Niall says casually after another pause.

"What?!" He nearly spills his drink all over himself.

"Just curious, mate. Chill." Niall's looking at him, amused.

"No, I'm not...in love with him. He's my best mate." It's obviously a lot more complex than that, but he wouldn't know how to begin explaining it.

"Oh, okay." Harry can't tell if he believes him or not. Or if it matters either way.

"Do you... Do you have a girlfriend? Boyfriend... whatever. I mean -"

"No, not at the moment," he replies quickly.

"Oh, right."

"Is there a specific reason you asked?"

Harry wants to deny it, he does, but it seems pointless for some reason.

"Yeah, maybe."

*

So, yeah, they end up having sex in some tiny, cluttered bedroom in some house whose owner Harry doesn't even know and it's awkward and weird (which he usually wouldn't associate with Niall at all) and he doesn't say anything before he leaves and it's all just _wrong_ somehow.

*

Harry spills everything to Louis the next morning, because he's terrible at keeping secrets anyway (and he isn't even sure if this should be one).

"Hmm, that's interesting," is all Louis says afterwards.

"Seriously? That's all you have to say?" Of course Louis would be no help whatsoever when Harry's the one panicking (not that he is...).

"No, it's just. Niall. He's weird. I mean, Liam told me. He doesn't ever act like he's into anyone. So when he does hook up with someone, it's...surprising. He must really like you."

"What? That doesn't even make sense. It was just - you know, sex. Weird sex. But sex nonetheless."

"So, is it going to happen again?" Louis prods.

"I don't know. We didn't really talk about it."

"Well, maybe you should call him." Louis looks kind of distracted.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea..."

"I think you'll find out you're more alike that you think," he says cryptically. And Harry's really starting to wonder if his entire world is going mad.

*

It's basically confirmed when he stops by the coffee shop the next morning and sees a familiar blond head at a table in the corner. He's almost about to go over when Niall shifts a little in his seat and he sees who's sitting opposite him. And it's _Zayn_. 

Of course it's fucking Zayn.

Harry pretty much flees then, already dialling Louis' number.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME HE WAS FRIENDS WITH ZAYN, YOU FUCKER."

*

Louis tries to deny that he'd ever known, which he knows is useless anyway.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you're a child who doesn't know how to move on from things. God knows Zayn has. So why can't you?"

"Because...because it was a _disaster_."

"He fell in love with you. It wasn't the end of the world."

"Maybe it was."

Louis sighs and looks at him with something distressingly like pity in his eyes.

"Why are you being like this? Is it me and Liam? I never meant -"

Harry sighs, knowing he can't be mad at him over this.

"It's not your fault. I want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy too."

"I know that. I do. I just - don't know what that means anymore."

*

Harry calls him.

"So, yeah, you've probably heard things about me. Not nice things."

"Why do you care what I think anyway?"

"Because that's not me. Not really. That's just - a defense mechanism."

"You still haven't answered the question."

Harry breathes in deeply before he says, "I like you. And I want to see you again."

"Okay," Niall says simply.

Maybe he's always been more lonely than he'd ever thought. Maybe a string of lovers who don't ever stay the night doesn't ever really help with that.

*

They take it slow after that. Harry goes to his gigs and they hang out afterwards, either just walking around and talking or going back to his place for a drink, they stay in and fight over which movie to watch with Liam and Louis (although the two of them always end up just making out halfway through anyway), they even meet up with Zayn sometimes and it's less stiff conversation and awkward glances away now. And whenever it does get uncomfortable, Niall's there to hold his hand discreetly. It's kind of worrying how dependent he is on that now, but he's grateful for it anyway.

Then Louis moves in with Liam and reality seems to hit him again.

*

He ends up on Niall's front steps.

"I don't need a _fucking relationship_ to make me happy," he says when Niall sits down next to him.

"Why are you here then?" Niall asks, typically blunt.

"There's nowhere else to go. Not anymore."

"You're wrong," he says, but it's not harsh.

He's never asked before but he has to now. "So _what_ exactly did Zayn tell you then? That I'm a complete asshole?"

"No, he just said... He said that it's not easy to love you." He looks like he's sorry though, sorry for him. And that maybe hurts even more than if he'd said it maliciously.

"Well...I guess that's it then."

"But it's never easy," Niall says, shaking his head. "If it's easy then it's not real."

"I thought you were all about things being easy."

"Yeah," he agrees. "But maybe sometimes they just aren't worth it anymore."

Harry nods at him. And Louis was right, of course he was, maybe they do understand each other more now.

"Are we okay then?" Harry asks quietly.

Niall takes his hand and smiles at him, a different smile than his usual one, kind of softer and more delicate, says, "Yeah, we're okay."


End file.
